Today school starts back up without me and I am having a hard time with it. I thought I would be just fine but I keep looking at the clock and thinking what period I would be teaching at that moment. It makes me sad. I try to keep thinking about all the crappy stuff I had to deal with to make not being there easier. Like the girl in my 1st hour that would never stop talking and the girl in my 3rd hour that I had to dress code 3 times a week because she was showing way too much skin (and tattoos). I make myself think about the time I had a gang leader in my class that did nothing and the time I kicked him out of class and told him that he was wasting oxygen in my room (that was also the time I was a little nervous walking to my car after school). But it doesn’t work. I am still missing it. Gang members and all.
Maybe it was divine inspiration this morning that took my thoughts back to starting college. I got all set up in my tiny dorm room and thought about how my entire life was changing. I was in a new state, I knew no one, I had no friends, and I got lost everywhere I went. What if I didn’t like it? What if I just wanted to go back home? What if the next 4 years of my life were friendless, eventless, and miserable? I was scared. I decided to give it a shot and I am so grateful I did. I can’t look back at those years and not smile. I made friends that are still my best friends today. I learned my way around, got a great education, and loved, no absolutely loved it. All of it.
So today I will give it a shot. Good bye to grading papers, taking attendance, and kicking out gang members. Hello to cooking 40 fingers and toes full time so that someday (hopefully not too soon) I can be so grateful for spit-up, gross diapers, strollers, and smiles. Sounds like an adventure worth giving a shot.
